Did they really say that?

These are reports of phone calls to a course in the States. Really.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: What are your green fees?
Staff: 38 dollars.
Caller: Does that include golf?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I need to get some information from you. First, is this your correct phone number?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, we have a tee time for two weeks from Friday.
What’s the weather going to be like that day?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I had a tee time for this afternoon but I’m running late. Can you still get me out early?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have one of those areas where you can buy a bucket of golf balls and hit them for practice?
Staff: You mean a driving range?
Caller: No, that’s not it.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I’d like to get a tee time tomorrow between 12 o’clock and (more…)

A golfing roundup of 2012, with Martin Vousden

Thought for the Day:
The hardness of the butter is inversely proportional to the softness of the bread

That Was The Year That Was
It has been a great year for sport but a mixed one for golf. Here are my awards for the 2012 golf season

Bulging-eyed Raving Lunatic of the Year
The Ryder Cup was won by the Americans in less than two days. Until that final Saturday fourball when Ian Poulter launched his own one-man crusade, birdied the last five holes and gave his team-mates the sliver of self-belief they needed to romp through the singles and snatch the unlikeliest of victories.

Depressing Read of the Year
Hank Haney’s book The Big Miss revealed Tiger to be, at times, spiteful, aloof and mean-spirited. We may have suspected as much but did we really need to have it confirmed?

Event of the Year
The Ryder Cup – it’s the only contender.

Worst Shot of the (more…)

And you thought that last round you had was tough!?

In addition to these rules, German aircraft from Norway would fly on missions to northern England; because of the icy weather conditions, the barrels of their guns had a small dab of wax to protect them. As they crossed the coast, they would clear their guns by firing a few rounds at the golf courses. Golfers were urged to take cover.

Vousden in Open week

Thought for the Day
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried

Bring it on
As GoKart likes to regard itself as having its finger on the pulse, ear to the ground and any other insider, informed, access to the skinny cliché you can think of, you will no doubt want our view on who is going to win the Open. But the truth is, what the heck do we (or anyone else) really know? Who, for example, could have predicted Ben Curtis, Todd Hamilton or Paul Lawrie to lift the claret jug over the last decade or so? And how about Trevor Immelman and Zach Johnson to don a fetching green jacket; Lucas Glover, Angel Cabrera and Graeme McDowell to lift the US Open trophy; or YE Yang, Shaun Micheel and Rich Beem to take the year’s fourth Major, the USPGA?

As a general rule of thumb, two of the year’s big ones are captured by players who already have a Major win under their belt, while the other two go to debutant victors, and so far in 2010 that pattern has continued, with Phil Mickelson grabbing the Masters on behalf of the been-there-done-that-got-the-T-shirt brigade, and Northern Ireland’s finest being the representative for the gosh-what-just happened contestants, who are supposed to be there just to make up the numbers. (more…)

Dalai Lama’s birthday today. He really should play golf.

The Dalai Lama is 75 today.  And we have proof he plays golf.  Well Bill Murray caddied for him.

Martin’s musings…

Thought for the Day
What would Geronimo have said if he jumped out of an airplane?

Dane brings home the bacon (sorry)
The motives we have for developing a liking for a particular golfer are numerous and not always related to the obvious fact of them being particularly superior at what they do. They’re all good, but some insinuate themselves into our affections for idiosyncratic reasons which can be as simple as seeing them treat a young fan in a particularly generous way, or wearing an outlandish outfit. For example, I have always followed the career of Australian Craig Parry with particular attention. During the 1990s when I worked on a golf magazine he was one of our instruction editors and I used to go to photoshoots in order to capture his words. Whenever I complimented him on an especially good shot he would reply with a smile, in typically Aussie fashion: ‘Nah mate – piece of p*ss to a trained athlete.’ (more…)

Golf joke

With thanks to Lynne Davies…

An 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks,’ how do you stay in such great physical condition?’

I’m Italian and I am a golfer,’ says the old guy, ‘and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of vino, and all is well.’

‘Well’ says the doctor, ‘I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your Father when he died?’

‘Who said my Father’s dead?’ (more…)

Harry Vardon said…

“Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.”

“A great deal of unnecessarily bad golf is played in this world.”

“If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempts to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes. It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head.”

“Never concede the putt that beats you.”

“Moderation is essential in all things, madam, but never in my life have I failed to beat a teetotaler.” (more…)

Politics and Golf. They don’t mix.

“The Englishman is at his best on the links and at his worst in the Cabinet”.  (George Bernard Shaw)

” Men trifle with their business and their politics but never trifle with their games. It brings truth home to them. They cannot pretend they have won when they have lost nor that they had a magnificent drive when they foozled it”.  (Also GBS)

“Gordon; you foozled it”.  (GoKart)

Ben Hogan says…

“The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight”